Movie Review – Ratchet & Clank

I’m not a gamer by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m not so lame that I don’t know who Ratchet & Clank are. The little weird fox-thing and the robot, right?
It’s a retelling of Ratchet’s (James Arnold Taylor, Ultimate Spider-Man (TV), Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H. (TV)) origin story, how this orphaned Lombax (wee fox-thing) rises from over-ambitious mechanic to his dream job of Galactic Ranger. He idolizes members, in particular Captain Qwark (Jim Ward The Fairly OddParents (TV Series), Ratchet & Clank: Into the Nexus (Video Game)), who as it stands idolizes himself. When there is a call add a new member to the squad, Ratchet eagerly signs up. After initial disappointment, he meets and repairs Clank (David Kaye, Marvel’s Avengers Assemble (TV Series), Xiaolin Chronicles (TV Series)), a defective escaped robot who warns of an impending attack. Ratchet finds himself swept into the excitement of being a Celebrity Ranger, complete with admirers, autographs and trading cards. Clank is regulated to the Nerd Closet to work with Elaris (Rosario Dawson, Daredevil (TV), Descent), a little-respected member of IT to actually do the heavy lifting of creating a workable plan for defeating the bad guys
Chairman Drek (Paul Giamati (Sideways, John Dies in the End) is destroying planets with a very specific goal in mind – pull the best parts to create a perfect planet. Knowing science and atmosphere, you’re telling yourself this isn’t possible, but I’m here to tell you it’s not your universe so butt out.
Meanwhile, with Ratchet’s rocket climb to success, Captain Qwark is finding himself not getting the adoring attention he’s used to and that plays right into our villain’s hands. Things like logic or reason or ignored for emotion and an over-inflated sense of self. Captain Qwark may be a great spokesman and face for the Galactic Rangers, but he’s the exact opposite of a hero – cowardly and craven and he never quite gets what’s coming to him, unless you equate him to meatlife celebrities, who do actually write books and go on apology tours and everything is better EVEN IF PEOPLE DIE.
It’s a crappy message and the movie could have done with a lot less of Qwark.
Look – Ratchet & Clank isn’t a stellar movie by any stretch, and I can’t tell you how closely it aligns with the video game because I’ve never played the video game. I can tell you that I didn’t hate it, even if the plot was a little contrived and “littles” might get a weird impression that betrayal of trust is A-OK and if you get caught and are kinda sorry about it later that’s totally cool too. Also respecting smart people for their valuable ideas is LAME if you can just beat up your problem until it stops moving. *brushes hands* And that’s that.
It was a visually fun movie, and I suspect that the title cards for scenes might be soley for fan-service, but I chuckled at a few. If you’re going in expecting some PG-13-rated teen fun and excitement or deep insight into the motivations of anyone, you’re not going to find it. It’s essentially a really long cut-scene to get someone who’s never played the game before super pumped to run out and spend $350 on the system and game and play until their eyes bleed.
My recommendation is to entertain “littles” on Saturday afternoon before a few hours of soccer, t-ball, or whatever it is kids do when outside. If you’re going in as a hard-core Ratchet & Clank fan, lower your expectations a little and catch a matinee.